Choice

I spent the day yesterday glaring and making angry noises at my computer, and all the silly people on Facebook. 

Hardly productive.

Our area of the world has been in a bit of a deep freeze for the past few weeks.  January has been c-c-c-cold.  February is shaping up to be not much different.  We're in the middle of a "good old fashioned winter" which is to say lots of snow, lots of cold, lots of wind.  Which, around here, results in lots of road closures, lots of cancelled buses and closed schools.  Some people have been stuck in their houses for close to a week now, as closed roads keep them from going anywhere.  People are running out of groceries, small towns are running out of gas, and tempers are running high.

Yesterday was particularly bad in Dufferin - everything looked good in the morning, good enough to send the kiddies to school, but then one by one the roads started closing. White-outs everywhere, and then at 1pm the county declared a state of emergency, closed the schools, cancelled the afternoon buses, and all of a sudden there were hundreds of kids stranded at their schools.  Chaos ensued.

(Just a note - Dufferin is the county that we moved AWAY FROM 18 months ago, not the one that we currently live in.  However, we still live very close to the border of the county, so it's road closures tend to affect us, although not nearly in the way that they used to.)

Many parents spent the day griping about the decisions the school board had made to send the kids to school. Run the buses, keep the schools open, keep exams running in highschools. "It's not safe!" they all shouted.  "Call the media, tell them how the board is risking the safety of our kids!"  "Our kids have to write exams, they have no choice but to go to school."

And that's when I started making my angry noises at the screen.

Here's the thing - you, I, whoever, we ALWAYS have a choice.


I tried to explain this to some people yesterday, and it fell on deaf ears.

If you don't feel that it's safe to put your kids on the bus, despite what the school boards say, then DON'T DO IT.  Your choice.  Not the school board, not the school, YOU.  You even have a choice to write exams or not.  If you feel like your children are being asked to RISK THEIR LIVES to go write an exam, then you need to decide what is more important - their life, or their exam. You could drive them, or, if they miss it they could potentially write it later, take their mark without their exam, or worst case, retake the course. All of these things are better options than potentially getting killed on your way to school on treacherous roads. It is YOUR choice.

This is a lesson for yesterday, and ultimately, for life. 

I think too many people sit around and blame others for what is happening in their lives.  They blame chance, or circumstance, and wallow in their lives, thinking there is no way to change things.

Untrue.  There is always a way.  We always have a choice to make a positive change.  Sometimes you have to get creative, go way out of your comfort zone, ask for help.  But there is always a choice to be made.

Sometimes, granted, we can not control the things that happen to us.  We can't control the weather, accidents happen, people die suddenly, some things are out of our control.  But we CAN control how we react to those things. We can wallow in them, or choose to take a step in a different direction.

There is no such thing as "I have no choice."  You ALWAYS have one.  You are the maker of your own destiny.  The trailblazer of your own path. The person in charge of YOUR life is YOU.

And the person in charge of my life is me. Every choice that I have made, and then we as a family has made has brought us to where we are.  IT IS NO ACCIDENT that we live in the greatest place in the world (in our mind, anyway) and are stupidly happy.  We made it so.

So if you're unhappy with some facet of your life?

Change it.

YES, you can. 

Find the thing that sings to your soul, and then make a move towards it.

Even if it is a teeny tiny move.  Its STILL a move. A step in the right direction.

Somedays it will feel like you've hardly moved at all.  Some days you may move backwards. But tomorrow is a new day, and another chance to move forward again.

Some days you win, some days you learn.

Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable... Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle; the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals. Martin Luther King, Jr. 

YOU, and only you can make the choice.

The choice to be happy lies in YOUR hands.

So go, be happy!



(And thanks to Marianne, who bugged me about blogging again.  Blogging makes me happy!  xoxox) 

Through the woods...

A five minute drive, and then through the woods on a five minute hike, to the most beautiful spot of spots.  Meet Lavender Falls.

Spring!

SPRING has begun making an apperance this week in the valley, and I couldn't be happier.

I am spring's number one fan.  For real.  If there were Spring Fan Club t-shirts, I would have them.  One in every colour.  Ask my husband.  I, like the thing that have been hiding under the snow all winter long, come ALIVE in the spring. 

Truth.

So, the subtle signs of the arrival of spring have been cause for celebration.

BBQing without a coat on!  Playing in the puddles!  Hanging out in the sunroom again! Cleaning up the front porch...even SITTING on the front porch for a few minutes today. 

This is exciting people, I'm excited.

(With some cute three year old thrown in for good measure.)

Tonight, it rains.  By tomorrow morning, the river will be raging, living up to it's name, and the snow left on the ground will be way way less; whereas I will be one step closer to not wearing socks, and putting the screens in the windows, and getting my fingers in the dirt, and soaking up the sunshine; which is all one step closer to swimming in the pond, and fresh tomatos off the vine, and drinking beer on the porch.

I do not begrudge a single day of this winter.  I have enjoyed winter more this year than I have any year in the past.  But holy hell am I ready for this next step.

Bring on the spring!!

Winter fun

In all my years of living out of the city, I have never enjoyed winter like we are enjoying this one.

I don't want to wish away a single day of this beautiful season (however...a little dirt under the fingernails, and a few less layers will be more than welcome in a few short weeks.)

On the New Year. And walking.

Well, a week into 2013, and I'd have to say that things are going along swimmingly.  Our goals for the year (though not written down yet) are in full swing.

We have been eating like champs.  Healthy champs!  We've said so long to the gluten (for the adults, at least.  I'm working on the kids, but they're already eating way less.)  There have been veggies galore, and smoothies, and lots of homemade soups.  Lots of tea, hardly any coffee, lots of water, hardly any booze.  There have still been sweet treats kicking around, maybe even more than usual, but they've all been gluten free and 80% healthy. (There's the occasional bit of sugar and lots of butter everywhere...butter makes gluten-free breads totally edible, even when they're not perfect on their own.)

And, I've been walking.  Every day except one.  Not for too long, about 40 minutes total, but it's a damn sight better than doing nothing at all. The walking has actually been my favourite part...it's been so nice to get outside, and breathe in the fresh air, talk with a friend, and just get outside in the winter. 

Speaking of being outside in the winter, I want you to know that I can count on one hand how many windy night we've had down here.  Three.  The night that hurricane Sandy hit the east coast, the night of the Winter Solstice, and tonight.  When we have these windy days, I thank the earth for small blessings that brought us here, out of the wind.  Because on nights that it's windy down here, I know EXACTLY what it's like up there. On the Roof.  It's shake-the-rafters kinda windy.  Hang-onto-your-play-structure kind of windy.

And frankly, I'm over that shit.

That's all I have to say about the wind.  Thankful for small things, like the lack there-of.

Next topic - lets talk quick about 2013 and some goals:  Our big goals this year are to eat better, exercise more, and be generally more awesome.   We're already on it, and all the more awesome for it.

Now...one of my little goals has always been to do a project 365.  I think between trying to walk every day, and remembering to bring my phone to take a picture while I walk (which, really, that thing rarely leaves my pocket) and then posting a bunch of pictures at the end of the week, I have a decent shot of, like 80% success at a project 365 goal. 

So here it is: Week 1.  I hope you enjoy.  I sure am!

  

January 1st, westbound into the setting sun. 

 

January 2nd.  Homeward bound, in the dark.

 January 3rd.  Boys Club.  (Or rather, Jon and Marcy's garage!)

 

January 5th, close to home.

 January 6th, heading UP the hill...leaving me embarrassingly out of breath!

 

Today, January 7th, with my walking buddy.

This very random post is brought to you by the insanity of the first day back at school, and a very tired Mama.  Please excuse the mess!

Sunday Morning

The whole family snuggles in the big bed. Giggles, and cuddles and kisses galore. Heaven on a Sunday morning.

Thanksgiving, in a nutshell.

Oh the past few days have been a rollercoaster.  Or the past...however long it's been since I've been here last.  Feels like forever.  (Wait now, I have to go back and check.)  (Oh right, our picturesque walk on the Bruce Trail.  Lovely.)

Well since then we've welcomed October. (Hi, October!) 

And there was Thanksgiving.  On which I wasn't feeling particularly thankful. 

I was feeling angry, and emotional, sobby even.  As was everyone else in this house.  

And I've been staying away, not really knowing what to say about the whole thing.

It was one of the darkest days I've had in a long time. 

Dark, in that I didn't much like my kid. I didn't particularly care for myself either, nor did I feel particularly thankful for anything.


And I had no idea what the hell I was doing.  I felt lost.  I felt like I was supposed to be the fricking leader of the pack, and I had no idea which way to turn myself, never mind lead the rest of them.

In hindsight, the day wasn't all that bad.  We started with finishing the work on the basement that we had started the day before.  Drywall, and fun things like that.  It was actually really good.  I finished cleaning up the basement, Steve left for work, Mom took Corben for a walk, and then he fell asleep for a nap. 

And then Griffin lost his shit, followed closely by the rest of us. 

There was a lot of crying.  A lot of difficult parenting moments.  Some of them I rocked.  Some of them I sucked at. 

And at the end of it all, I was drained.  And felt like I was the one that needed help, as much as or more than my kid did. 

I saw a LOT of me in Griffin that day, and it was as terrifying as it was enlightening. 

And as fast as the insanity began, it was over. 

**************************************

Monday, was a new day.

I was DETERMINED to make it better. 

I put bread in the bread maker.  Lunch, taken care of.  (Lets not talk about the bread that didn't really rise properly and ended up being a small brick of flour rather than a large loaf of bread, m'kay?) 

I put dinner in the crockpot. 

And then I focused on taking care of the kids, and taking care of me, and just ENJOYING the day.

And it worked.  

Despite the fact that the shitty part of Sunday is what sticks out in my mind, overall it was pretty decent, and I did learn a few things.  We ARE going to be ok.  This ISN'T going to be easy...few things worth having actually ARE.  This family, my children, this house, our home, THIS needs to be my focus right now.  Everything else is secondary.

Because without all that, this family, our home?

I would be even MORE lost than I felt that day. 

I may not know what the hell I am doing all the time.  (OK, most of the time.)  But I do know that I  am thankful to be given the chance to try,  and have this opportunity to figure it all out.  I'm thankful for my husband for working extra hard so I CAN take care of our home and our children, and for my Mom for coming to the rescue when we need a helping hand.  (And just being here...which kept me from TOTALLY going off the deep end, in the name of Trying to Keep My Shit Together.) I'm also thankful for this community, who has welcomed us with the widest of open arms, and is ALWAYS willing to lend a hand, as often as we are willing to ask for one.

I am grateful for all that we have, and the chance to make it into even more.


Thanksgiving in a nutshell.  A big, emotional nutshell.

Oh what fun!  ;)

xoxox

Fairytale, fairytale.

Someone made a comment to me the other day, that wasn't meant to be nasty, but it kind of "got me", and took it to heart. I do that sometimes.  So of course, I had to write about it.

****************************************

My life, your life, the lives of most people out there who are blogging and posting on the internet are FAR from fairytales.  There are poopy diapers, and spilled milk, and parenting moments that will kick us right off the mother-of-the-year list.  They are everywhere.  Anyone who says they don't have those moments is a liar-liar-pants-on-fire, full out. 

I used to pride myself on "keeping it real" - posting about the (literal and figurative) shit, AND the glowing fairytales, and everything in between.  I used to get up in arms about the people who led a seemingly "perfect" life, with their perfect blog, and their perfectly adorable children, running around in hand-knit sweaters and cloth diapers, eating keifer and kale, and homeschooling in the woods.  It seemed so idyllic.  (Especially while I was being projectile vomited on, and falling into PPD.)

However, now I know that those women, they were just smarter than me.  They were younger than me, or older, at the relative same place in their journey as me, or where I saw myself to be in 5 years. But they had already figured it out.

They figured out that being miserable gets you nowhere.

And that being happy can get you anywhere.

And the only person truly responsible for your own happiness is you.

And if you focus on the fairytale; the happy bits in your life, then the not so happy ones are less likely to take over your whole life.  Even if there is more crap than cupcakes, focusing on the cupcakes makes the day all that much brighter.

Maybe somedays it all seems like it's a fairytale over here.  Trust me when I tell you that it's not.  We all have our struggles. Asperger's is our version.  But...we struggle against the syndrome, NOT the kid.  The kid is not the syndrome, and the syndrome is NOT all that there is to the kid.  And the syndrome is NOT all that there is to our life.  Our life is so much more.  

So yes, I'm still keeping it real.  Real happy.  I'm letting the world (or the couple dozen friends that read here, and my Mom...hi Mom!) know that it there are gifts for you everywhere.  You just have to want them, and you have to look for them.  (Don't expect them to come to you on a silver platter.) (Although, sometimes, if you're lucky, karma might just hand you a freebie...that's how I ended up with my husband!)

And if you want your life to be a fairytale, then make it one...it's ok if it is.  In fact it's awesome!  Focus on the good, forgive and forget about the bad.  And if you're happy with your life, sing it from the rooftops, people!  Maybe you'll make someone else smile in the process, and that alone makes it worth singing about. 

That's all for now.
xoxox,
Me

(I had to come back and edit this just after posting, because I found this quote in an article, and it was a perfect fit.)

“We didn’t ask to be born – how could we? – and yet, ever since our birth day, life itself has been there for us. Sure, there are times when life can be sheer torture, and when we could do without some of its trials and tribulations: but life just keeps being poured out for us. Every day a fresh start, a new beginning, a new birth, even. Every day is a new day for us to use as we choose.”  Terry Biddington

 He's not an evil genius, he just plays one on the internet.